I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just had sex on a roof
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
