Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
