Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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