No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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