Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
