It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
