can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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