am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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