The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
