she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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