Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
