Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
