R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
