this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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