Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
