She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
