Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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