don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
