maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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