it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
