Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
