Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
