Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
