I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish you could order shots online.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
