Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
