Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
