if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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