11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize