I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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