She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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