she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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