Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
