So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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