can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
