i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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