how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
