cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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