I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
