There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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