I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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