M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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