Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
