nut hugger
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
