u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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