you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
