I'm eating all of the evidence.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
