what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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