best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
