is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
