You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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