Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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