Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
