if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
