Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
