When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
