There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
