When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
