Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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