I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
