I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I met the friendliest cop last night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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