and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
