Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
