Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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