I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
