Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
