you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
