u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
