Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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