Kiss
Puke
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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