Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
