Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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