We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
