She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
