I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
