there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
