and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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