Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
